One could classify Indian society into three categories viz.
If by birth or otherwise (read by hook or crook) you do not belong to the 'smart class', there is only one way to survive in the Indian society. And that is by becoming a member of the privileged class. Rest of the 'not so ambitious' junta belongs to third class, which is there to serve first two classes and requires no further mention here.
Politicians in India do village level politics in villages, and national level politics in Delhi. If in a foreign country, they are involved in that country's politics as well. I do not want to take names and make them famous (well, after Snowden’s exposure, I am always thinking of saving my rear end ;-)). You never know, I could be the next prime minister candidate (if Manmohan Singh (an Economist) can, Kejeriwal (as a bureaucrat), Narendra Modi (as a chaiwalah), I (an Engineer) could also be!! Why not?). Ambitions should not outpace the qualities/capabilities that one develops over time. However, this statement is not applicable to politics.
I have decided to take part in the next elections. No, not as a voter but as a candidate. I have not yet decided about the political party, but I am looking for the option where I can contest as an independent candidate. That would be fun. If you know what I mean, shifting loyalties to a party with better prospects.
Here is the speech I am going to give (and I am going to save this and will use in all elections in future).
In more than 3000 years (probably it more than 30000 years, who gives a hoot) of our history people from all over the world have come and invaded us, captured our lands, conquered our minds and improvised our culture and made us civilized. We are thankful to them. We have not conquered anyone not because we could not do so, because we are excessively tolerant (Note: it is not good to use word 'coward' in public, it hurts our pride). We have not grabbed their lands, sullied their cultures, and distorted their histories and tried to enforce our ways of life on them. Why? Because we did not have time, as we were busy fighting among ourselves and we continue fighting. Kushans, Mongols, the Greeks, the Turks, the Moghuls, the Portuguese, the British, the French, the Dutch - all of them came and enriched our cuisine, took over all our wealth and helped us in establishing truly a socialist nation (all the wealth gone out of the country, there was not much disparity left between rich and poor). And now see what we have done to ourselves. We are neither capitalist nor socialist. We need constitutional amendments every now and then to let the international community know what kind of country India is.
Everybody says let us make India a developed country. What do they mean by 'developed country'? For more than fifty years we have been a developing nation and by God's grace we will continue this process till the end of the time as we believe in consistency and also the day you are satisfied with what you are doing in life you are dead. We are an ambitious lot. We will never see ourselves as a developed nation. Why should we see our face in somebody else's mirror? No matter how sloppy our mirror is, it is the best. We are the best. Our GDP is low. So what? We will preserve our culture of Vedic age and rollback our GDP. Our poor are dying, that is a good sign of falling poverty level. So what if the rest of the world does not recognise our achievements, we have countries like countries like Pakistan and Afghanistan to compare. And then there is whole African continent.
Our country must stand up to the world at least on her knees (so far we have been crawling and see where we are). Because I believe this makes begging a somewhat respectable affair. And if we are not able to walk on our knees so far, the fault lies in the policies of the ruling party. We must be strong enough to stand on our knees not only as an economic power but also as a military power. Let us take some help from Baba Ramdev. I feel pained when developed countries deny spare parts for our defense equipment. We have to make ourselves strong so that those countries could not dare to do so. They should supply spare parts to all our fighter aircraft, tanks, cannons and anything related to defense including some hi-tech coffins not only out of compulsion, but out of fear too. These kinds of purchases are the only way to generate political funds otherwise all the political parties will go bankrupt and in that case, my dear fellow citizens of India, forget about elections and say bye-bye to free bees (you thought I am going to say “bye-bye to democracy”.. ha ha ha). Any denial by these developed countries towards such purchases is a direct attack on your right to have free bees (you though I am going to say “attack on our democracy”… ha ha ha ) and we will not tolerate this. We will not tolerate this at any cost.
Lately there have been some loose talks, some kind of propaganda about my character and activities to malign my image. There is no truth in those. As a politician I am like an open notebook which is blank right from the beginning till the end. Nothing written. I am in politics since my days in university in India. That's where I learnt all the tricks of politics. I survived university level politics. This proves my character and its strength. Those years played a very important role in my life as a politician. I entered parliament first time as a visitor. God! Was I overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside the parliament. Somebody later remarked "This is the true sign of being a politician if you are moved only by seeing parliament and nothing else." It made me feel very proud as a budding politician. The fact that I was standing there was too much for me and at the next instant I was crying, tears rolling down my cheeks. I found a new love for my country and different kind of love for you, my dear fellow citizens and new meaning to my life. Since then I am a full time politician, what I intend to tell you is that, that was the day when I was reborn and since then I am at your service.
We as politicians have done great service to you people. Tell me in which country you are allowed to do what you want (leave neighboring countries out of the list). Spit here and there and throw things wherever you want? In which country you have freedom to park your motorcycle or car anywhere? In which country you have freedom to drive on left, right or center? In which country money talks as loudly as in India? In which country you are openly allowed to say 'Do you know who I am?' In which country you are allowed to draw your salary even without going to your workplace? All these things you can do only in India and that also because of politicians like me whose conscience is mortgaged to politics and only to politics.
Jai Politics! Sattamev Jayate!! (they cannot register an FIR for this :-))
1. Smart – these guys do not enter into the politics themselves. They are busy doing other jobs of national and international interest such as defense deals, land deals etc. They privileged class (described below) to work for them.
2. Privileged – government machinery in general.
3. Dumb – rest others – people like you (not me, I belong to the smart class... read the text below!).
If by birth or otherwise (read by hook or crook) you do not belong to the 'smart class', there is only one way to survive in the Indian society. And that is by becoming a member of the privileged class. Rest of the 'not so ambitious' junta belongs to third class, which is there to serve first two classes and requires no further mention here.
Politicians in India do village level politics in villages, and national level politics in Delhi. If in a foreign country, they are involved in that country's politics as well. I do not want to take names and make them famous (well, after Snowden’s exposure, I am always thinking of saving my rear end ;-)). You never know, I could be the next prime minister candidate (if Manmohan Singh (an Economist) can, Kejeriwal (as a bureaucrat), Narendra Modi (as a chaiwalah), I (an Engineer) could also be!! Why not?). Ambitions should not outpace the qualities/capabilities that one develops over time. However, this statement is not applicable to politics.
I have decided to take part in the next elections. No, not as a voter but as a candidate. I have not yet decided about the political party, but I am looking for the option where I can contest as an independent candidate. That would be fun. If you know what I mean, shifting loyalties to a party with better prospects.
Here is the speech I am going to give (and I am going to save this and will use in all elections in future).
In more than 3000 years (probably it more than 30000 years, who gives a hoot) of our history people from all over the world have come and invaded us, captured our lands, conquered our minds and improvised our culture and made us civilized. We are thankful to them. We have not conquered anyone not because we could not do so, because we are excessively tolerant (Note: it is not good to use word 'coward' in public, it hurts our pride). We have not grabbed their lands, sullied their cultures, and distorted their histories and tried to enforce our ways of life on them. Why? Because we did not have time, as we were busy fighting among ourselves and we continue fighting. Kushans, Mongols, the Greeks, the Turks, the Moghuls, the Portuguese, the British, the French, the Dutch - all of them came and enriched our cuisine, took over all our wealth and helped us in establishing truly a socialist nation (all the wealth gone out of the country, there was not much disparity left between rich and poor). And now see what we have done to ourselves. We are neither capitalist nor socialist. We need constitutional amendments every now and then to let the international community know what kind of country India is.
Everybody says let us make India a developed country. What do they mean by 'developed country'? For more than fifty years we have been a developing nation and by God's grace we will continue this process till the end of the time as we believe in consistency and also the day you are satisfied with what you are doing in life you are dead. We are an ambitious lot. We will never see ourselves as a developed nation. Why should we see our face in somebody else's mirror? No matter how sloppy our mirror is, it is the best. We are the best. Our GDP is low. So what? We will preserve our culture of Vedic age and rollback our GDP. Our poor are dying, that is a good sign of falling poverty level. So what if the rest of the world does not recognise our achievements, we have countries like countries like Pakistan and Afghanistan to compare. And then there is whole African continent.
Our country must stand up to the world at least on her knees (so far we have been crawling and see where we are). Because I believe this makes begging a somewhat respectable affair. And if we are not able to walk on our knees so far, the fault lies in the policies of the ruling party. We must be strong enough to stand on our knees not only as an economic power but also as a military power. Let us take some help from Baba Ramdev. I feel pained when developed countries deny spare parts for our defense equipment. We have to make ourselves strong so that those countries could not dare to do so. They should supply spare parts to all our fighter aircraft, tanks, cannons and anything related to defense including some hi-tech coffins not only out of compulsion, but out of fear too. These kinds of purchases are the only way to generate political funds otherwise all the political parties will go bankrupt and in that case, my dear fellow citizens of India, forget about elections and say bye-bye to free bees (you thought I am going to say “bye-bye to democracy”.. ha ha ha). Any denial by these developed countries towards such purchases is a direct attack on your right to have free bees (you though I am going to say “attack on our democracy”… ha ha ha ) and we will not tolerate this. We will not tolerate this at any cost.
Lately there have been some loose talks, some kind of propaganda about my character and activities to malign my image. There is no truth in those. As a politician I am like an open notebook which is blank right from the beginning till the end. Nothing written. I am in politics since my days in university in India. That's where I learnt all the tricks of politics. I survived university level politics. This proves my character and its strength. Those years played a very important role in my life as a politician. I entered parliament first time as a visitor. God! Was I overwhelmed by the feeling of being inside the parliament. Somebody later remarked "This is the true sign of being a politician if you are moved only by seeing parliament and nothing else." It made me feel very proud as a budding politician. The fact that I was standing there was too much for me and at the next instant I was crying, tears rolling down my cheeks. I found a new love for my country and different kind of love for you, my dear fellow citizens and new meaning to my life. Since then I am a full time politician, what I intend to tell you is that, that was the day when I was reborn and since then I am at your service.
We as politicians have done great service to you people. Tell me in which country you are allowed to do what you want (leave neighboring countries out of the list). Spit here and there and throw things wherever you want? In which country you have freedom to park your motorcycle or car anywhere? In which country you have freedom to drive on left, right or center? In which country money talks as loudly as in India? In which country you are openly allowed to say 'Do you know who I am?' In which country you are allowed to draw your salary even without going to your workplace? All these things you can do only in India and that also because of politicians like me whose conscience is mortgaged to politics and only to politics.
Jai Politics! Sattamev Jayate!! (they cannot register an FIR for this :-))
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